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Mike and Diane at Odds

JEREMIAS: When I left you two yesterday, there seemed to be some friction.

DIANE: We’re just like any other couple. We cheat on each other and betray each other too.

MIKE: What do you mean, "each other" - I thought I was the only one who...

JEREMIAS: What exactly happened in Mexico?

DIANE: Let's just say that it wasn't a relationship that was entirely on the "Astral Plane". I knew it smelled like fish.

MIKE: Come on Diane, what else was I supposed to do – give you a detailed report? It was just a road trip with a bunch of guys going to a whorehouse in Tijuana.

JEREMIAS: Are you telling me that Mike is not a virgin?

DIANE: Technically, I’m not sure.

MIKE: Well I’m sure. I did not have sexual intercourse with any of those women.

DIANE:Oh, and the men? Or the children? Or the dogs or the pigs?

JEREMIAS: If you don’t want to talk about this ….

MIKE: It’s not that, we’re supposed to be open and honest about this stuff.

DIANE: So tell him what happened.

MIKE: It was just a whorehouse. Nothing illegal or unsanitary was going on. Some of the guys did get their clocks cleaned, but all I got was a rectal massage.

DIANE: A naked rectal massage by a Mexican whore! So the question is – "is he still a virgin?"

JEREMIAS: Well, from a man’s point of view – I would say that a "rectal massage" would not constitute something that would compromise his virginity.

MIKE: I agree, and neither was the foot-licking session.

DIANE: You are a pig. Alright, I’ll let you off the hook. I wouldn’t consider that a sexual relationship that would steal your virginity either. On the other hand, I’m not too thrilled about you getting rectal massages or getting your feet licked in a Mexican whorehouse. From now on, it’s "hands off". Deal?

MIKE: Deal!

JEREMIAS: So we’re still moving on?

Mike & DIANE: All the way.

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