We both know that what we are doing is going to upset many people, and frankly, that gets us hot. We're hoping that we will also have some supporters who will come and debate, in a civil manner - the topics of adequate lubrication, anal health consequences, reach-arounds, as well as the power of the Internet.

Here are some of our most Frequently Asked Questions:

Do your parents know what you are going to do?

Diane is practically an orphan, since her parents are such low-life trash. We don't really care what they think, but we're going to go through the motions of telling them anyway. Mike's father is a Catholic priest, so we're going to need time to get ready to tell him. We're planning on doing it "later".

Aren't you ashamed of what you're doing? You are making a mockery of marriage and telling kids that it is OK to have sex before marriage?

We are not telling kids that it is OK to have sex before marriage. Just anal sex before marriage. That's okay. We don't think it's perverted or wrong, and we know it will feel good. We're not ashamed in the least. In fact, we have already explored each other's anus with our tongues, and are very much looking forward to the inevitable distension in Diane's ass which will inevitably accompany repeated, violent anal sex.

Are you going to get naked and show everything on the 18th day?

Oh, is that how we're supposed to do it? Actually, as is our family custom, passed down through generations, we will have our anal sex through a hole in a bedsheet, fully clothed. Moron! What do you think? Do you think people would come to see it if we didn't? What do you think the whole purpose of this is, anyway?

Will you get AIDS tested and practice safe sex that night?

We don't know. After all, we're both virgins and have only occasionally engaged in intravenous drug use with strangers' needles. We trust each other, after all. What kind of love would it be if we couldn't rely on that loving trust?

You are both church-going people, doesn't what you are doing - go against your religion?

That's a good question. The Bible doesn't specifically prohibit anal sex as far as we can tell. Lots of people seem to think that it does, but we think they're just "full" of "hooey". Mike's Dad might have something to say about this, since after all he's a Catholic priest, and pretty traditional at that. (Although he's never been caught molesting young boys, as we understand is traditional now.) Plus we know that if we're wrong, Jesus will forgive us. Isn't that great? No matter what sick, perverted, or twisted thing we do - Jesus still loves us and will forgive us. All we have to do to get into Heaven is repent at the last second of our lives. What a great religion! (Not that either of us would do anything sick, perverted, or twisted, of course, because we are after all good Christians.)

Are you concerned that what you are doing will hurt your chances for employment in the future?

Not at all. We have both been promised employment for life at Jeremias' uncle's Qwik-E-Mart. Sounds fun to us!

It's bad enough that I had to try and explain to my 10 year old son what "oral sex" is, because of the "Monica Lewinsky" stuff ....what do you expect me to tell him about what you are doing?

Make up some lie about it just like you lie to him about virtually everything else important in the world, you pathetic hypocrite.